The Phantom

 I want to share a thought that came to me yesterday. 

It started when I was thinking about a friend whose leg was amputated several years ago. She still feels the phantom leg. 

Then I thought about all if my treasures that Gilbert lost, on purpose it seems - they that keep popping into my mind, and I see them, and my heart grieves they are gone, gone somewhere to some unknown people and places. 

They haunt me. They are my phantom things. I cry less, but my heart still hurts. How long will my phantom things bring me angst?  I keep releasing it all over and over. It occurred to me yesterday that Gilbert wounded me deeply, and talking it through is a sort of peroxide cleansing it so it can heal. I need to find a way to let the wound heal and not reopen it. I hope and pray I'm almost there.

I urge you to heal your wounds too.  Whole, well people are needed. God bless you dear spiritual friend. 

Letting Go

 

And what is this divine law? To keep a man's will, not to claim anything which belongs to others, but to use what is given, and anything that’s not given, not to desire it; and when a thing is taken away, to be ready to let it go immediately, and to be thankful for the time that God gave you use of it.  --- Epictetus

 As I wrestle with letting go of my things, I keep finding thoughts that help me, such as the above quote. I am making strides, and yet this thing or that pops into my mind, and my heart glitches, and a tear rolls down my cheek. Am I to go through the whole inventory, releasing each item? I don't dwell on it, something presents itself, and my mind goes to something related that t treasure still; its not just big and financially valuable things. For example, last week at physical therapy, the therapist had a bracelet of white round beads that he said his father gave him. Up came the little beads with my name on them they put on my ankle in the hospital when I was born. I saw it in its little box, and I teared up. A tiny piece of the betrayal. 

If Gilbert had listened to such wisdom as above, as what Jesus also taught, he would have been a different person. But he didn't listen and he was who he was. 

I do give thanks that for a time I had lovely things, sentimental things, valuable things. I pray to release then, for they are no longer mine. I pray to be free of this pain. 

Yesterday, this little prayer came to me  - Lord, restore me not to how I was, but to how You would have me be. 

Freedom From the Past

 someone who has worry, fear and is inwardly broken in heart, he should use his time better on something else.--- Epictetus

 My oh my, did I ever need to hear this right now. I awoke in a cloud of sadness over the mountain of loss and betrayal left to me by my recently deceased "soulmate." Pictures of what I had collected ran through my mind.  Questions to him, now unanswerable, arose with deep angst. 

I prayed. Help me release all of this to You.  a bible verse came on wings to me, then the little homeless booklet I wrote appeared in my mind. Jesus told us not to store up treasures that moth or rust could take, but treasure spiritual understanding.  My little booklet reminds us that Jesus was homeless too.

Then I gave praise and thanks. I am not technically homeless due to the bountiful love from Anne Unmacht and all of the dear people of Project Touch. My treasures are in my memory, where I can visit them whenever I wish. And I do not have to house them and dust them and take care of them. And the original Peace Pilgrim just came to mind and the first time I got to hear her. She said she was sitting in her house in Pasadena, and she thought, I am working so hard to support my drapes in the manner to which they have become accustomed. She sold everything and began walking across the country for peace. 

No, I'm not walking the country. But if I can finally release it all, I will be free to do what God's got up his sleeve for me for the rest of my life. Maybe finishing my book will put a seal on it.  It's called, "I Wouldn't Believe It Either, If I Hadn't Lived It." I have friends helping me edit it, then I think I need an agent, unless I just decide to upload it to Amazon. Its close to done. I'd like to get it published though. 

Let's all release the baggage of our pasts, and let's move forward to what good awaits us. God bless us all. 

Praise

 Shouldn’t we, when we are digging, ploughing and eating sing this hymn to God? "God is great, he has given us implements with which we will cultivate the earth: God is great, he has given us hands, the power of swallowing, a stomach, imperceptible growth and the power of breathing while we sleep."...If I was an eagle, I would act the part of an eagle: if I were a swan, I would act like a swan. But I’m a rational creature, and I should praise God: this is my work; I do it, I will not desert this post, as long as I’m allowed to keep it; and I encourage you to sign the same song.                   ---Epictetus

I'm rereading Epictetus, and the above quote spoke to me this morning. His concept of  praising God for everything is powerful. Sing a song of praise for everything. Please contemplate the above quote and try to implement it by spending the day praising God God for all things. 

Idea for Today

I'm rereading Epictetus, and this struck me this morning,: "I’m not trying to hinder myself."

For many, if not all of us, we would do well to repeat this to ourselves until we believe it. As far as I can see, most people in fact do hinder themselves in many ways. 

People pull back from being their full magnificence. They say hindering things to themselves in the privacy of their heads. They say demeaning things to others in an attempt to make themselves appear better rather than striving to be their best selves and encouraging others to also be their best selves. 

It us important to become generous hearted. As Paul understood, All have fallen short of the glory of the Lord. Let's strive to be lifters of ourselves cane others.  Let us cease hindering. 

Jesus told us, Love one another as I have loved you.

Fantasy Life

 I had a good cry this morning. Gilbert is front and center this weekend. Thursday it was a year since he had his stroke. Today a tear ago we were told he had stage four peritoneal and appendix cancer. Tomorrow is our anniversary. 

In my tears I had an insight. I entered into his fantasy world, believing him and his stories. It was a fantasy, a delusion  carefully and elaborately constructed. I fell into  his trap, as it seemed a healing balm of calm and peace. But it was not. 

Then I saw most people, most of the time live in a fantasy world, upset by third hand stories controlled by other people, totally engaged fun an array of fleeting outer things --- and missing the miraculous all around and in everything. We put on blinders and binders and miss what's really going on. 

This place, this dimension is a shimmering outpouring of the magnificent Creator. From the physics of the atom and its tiny parts and strange abilities, to the little brown hard speck that becomes a flower, to the two half cells that become a human --- to anything we turn to, there is the miraculous. To the great art and music flowing out of the minds of the artist souls, to the heart of compassion reaching out to others, there is the miraculous. From the giant redwoods to mountaintops to ocean waves, there us the miraculous. To the immense variety of life that is, has been, and is yet to come, there is the miraculous. 

It is a sacred creation, waiting to be read, appreciated, and to lead us home out of the fantasy to the fantastic 

Where is God?

 

He knows God rightly who knows Him everywhere. ---Meister Eckhart

 He makes this point in many ways and many sermons.

He includes all creation in this, even though inanimate objects don't have the ability to realize that God is there, God is nevertheless present. As Creator, God is with all of creation. 

For us humans, Meister Eckhart  urges us to know God is present with us and in us, "The kingdom is within" regardless of circumstances. If we require a peaceful meadow or a church to commune with God, we are not there yet. In the midst of turmoil, noise, darkness, sorrow, God is there too. Our practise is best when we can open ourselves to the Divine Presence at all times, in every situation, and remember there is no spot where God is not.

God of all, God of my soul, help me keep the eye of my life on You. Wash all fear and darkness away. Lead me to be fully spiritually awake in You. Help me hold my life and all life as sacred bearers of Your Light and Love.