It seems to me that often people define themselves by temporary, fleeting outer things.
Is who I am my poverty or my wealth? My infirmity or my health? My sex, my height, my job? My whatever, name what you will. Is my worth tied up by the status of my associates? Is agreeing with the current trends guaranteeing my acceptance? Does keeping busy show how important I am? Am I trying to impress others? Do I need and seek approval from others? If so, the you that is you is buried under a pike of meaninglessness.
Actually there is another way to define oneself. it requires different questions.
Am I true to myself? Do I know that I am part of a universe that is Divinely inspired? Do I know that everyone and everything is part of that? Do I treat all as sacred? Do I listen to my inner guidance? Am I at home in my own soul?
If we can say yes to the second set of questions, we are immune to control from the outside. Who we are is between God and us. We are free.