Living the Bible Stories

 Through the past week I have walked with tears and prayers, facing death, betrayal and a web of lies. There have been moments of Spirit speaking to me, and therefore amazing insights have been gifted to me.

I am led to share a sketch of all of this at this time.

As Pastor Drew spoke of Easter week yesterday, when he said "Judas," tears started flowing down my face. A light of understanding swept me. I had married Judas, the trusted treasurer, the betrayer. 

One day last week, upon awakening, I heard the words "The past is done." That day I discovered all of my treasures were gone, auctioned off for nonpayment of storage in 2022. My grief shifted at once. Then a whole thread of deceit and lies and betrayal began to unravel.

I have often said over the past years I have been living the book of Job. So I knew I was living that story. I have endeavored to follow Jesus and his teachings since early childhood, to become as like him as humanly possible, and so live the Christ story..

Then I realized the meassage "The past is done," also contained the message to Lot and family, "Don't look back."

So there was Judas with betrayal, leading to agony on the cross, leading to resurrection. I'm in the process of agony, moving toward resurrection of some sort. The agony includes disorientation. The man I loved never existed, and who did exist was a villain who I did not meet until after his death..

I look forward to finding what this will lead to. I pray I can still be useful to those on the spiritual path and to those considering it, and those who run from it. 

God is lifting me right now. May God lift you this day and all days.

Gilbert's Memorial Service

 His service has been postponed due to extenuating circumstances.

He's Gone

 Early this morning my beloved Gilbert passed on. 

He took part of my heart with him. I shall miss him so much that no words can suffice to describe it.

My beloved is soaring in a new life. I remain here weeping.

I will find a way to go forward, but not today.

I See It and Cannot Stop It

 It is a disturbing and also a fascinating  time in my life. The disaster has  been coming in slow motion, a million cuts tearing apart my life.

July 30 my husband, my soulmate, had a stroke. August 2nd he had a pain in his side, a CT scan, and then the diagnosis of stage 4 peritoneal and appendix cancer, a cancer only comprising 1% of the cancers. 

Slowly he  became more and more fatigued. Slowly he ate less and less. Slowly he stopped doing things like driving, going to church, cooking his own breakfast.

Then the ascites began building up in his abdomen. 6.5 liters every 10 days to 2 weeks getting drained. A week ago they weighed him going in and out. He went in weighing 171 pounds, and a little over an hour later, after 6.5 liters were drained, he weighed 157 pounds.

Then a week and a half ago he stopped taking a shower, and he shifted to spong baths. He stopped shaving. He began to sleep more. He stayed in his night clothes and bathrobe all day.

Yet he insists he is being healed. He refuses hospice.

I think part of his deterioration is on the insurance. All the research I've been able to do says for what he has, HIPAC is the standard of treatment. I think he should have been given this option last August, while he was still stronger. I think at present, he could not survive a 10 to 12 hour surgery.

So I see the end of our 38 years together approaching. I am tearful. He is my rock, my cheer leader, my best friend. I love him with all of my heart.

I may not know you personally, but you read my thoughts, and so you are my spiritual friend. I have a request of you. Please pray for us. 

A New Understanding of the Eucharist

 This morning  I was reading a book that pointed out the traditional Eucharist, saying it's a mystery that cannot be logically explained. Something in me shouted out BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! Wow. I will share what came to me.

If we look deeply at any natural thing it will lead us into the mystery in whatever direction we go - bread and wine for example. Each has a story that leads into the Mystery.

Look deeply at a piece of bread. You will see the wheat growing in the field. You will see the rain watering it with water coming from the lakes and streams  and oceans of the world evaporating up to the clouds. You will see the rays of  sunlight warming the growing wheat and activating photosynthesis. You will see the wheat take in carbon from the air and give off oxygen. You will see our orbit around the sun, the seasons created by spin and tilt. You will see our solar system, the Milky Way and the vast universe of which our bread is a part. 

You can see the roots drawing up nutrients from the top soil created over the centuries. You can see the farmer, the harvest, the mill turning it into flour. You can see the trees that make the paper for the bag to carry the flour to your kitchen.

You can see how the bread in your hand connects you to everything, and then to The Creator. You can see the story of the grape too, actually the story of everything can lead us into The Mystery.

So take the bread and wine and remember how they Connect you to the entire web of all that is.  Remember they Connect you ultimately to The Creator

Remember you too are part of it all. Everything is sacred. Let your next Eucharist be a true sacred experience of Oneness.

Messiah People

 Two thousand years ago Paul and Barnabas spent a year in Antioch teaching the new community, Christianoi said Luke in Acts. That was most likely a nickname, as Christian was not used for several generations. N. T. Wright wrote that it might even have meant something like Jesus freaks when spoken by the general population.

At any rate, it was a completely new kind of community, a never before community, a never before even thought of community. Think of Paul's statenment in Galations:  

Thereis neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

All people, across all strata of society, across all divides, all people of every kind are one in Christ according to this new idea that poured forth out of Paul's mind and his dramatic awakening. It was shocking to almost everyone of the day, but it grew and grew.

How did we get so far away from that? In not too long a time, lines were redrawn. There were limits. There were rules made up by men. There were no open and welcoming places for everyone once again. Women were demoted to be possessi0ns.Those named "other" could be treated with rejection and violence. And the great dream of the kingdom of heaven coming to earth faded far away. In fact, for many it shifted to a place after death for those who did and believed whatever the current theology decreed. The excitement and joy of these early Christianoi seemed naive. 

BUT I have long had a vision that it would be possible for us humans to create a heaven on earth. It would require a shift in consciousness, but it is really not impossible.

Shift to see all as sacred beings - all people, all animals, all plant life, the entire planet. Treat it all by thought. word, and deed as precious and sacred. Make our lives a sacrament, so that whtever we do or think or say is a testament to the Divine Presence and our part in It.

When we see evil, we help those bent (per C. S. Lewis) people to be healed, to be set free to the goodness imprisoned within. We encourage and help to create healthy, nurturing environments so people don't get bent in the first place.

We set our aim high. Even though it is aspirational, it shows us where to aim. If more and more of us try. things can and will move in the higher direction.

We're going to be here for awhile, so why not use whatever time each of us have left to aim high?

Enter the Flow

 I've been pondering how incredible it is, when we enter the flow of God. I've often said that there have been times in my life that I experienced being in God's jet stream. How do we get there? We can't force it to happen. What we can do is prepare ourselves. I think of Jesus saying no one knows the hour, and that relates to so many things.

What to do? Prepare our hearts and minds. As a pianist practices and practises to attain a high skill level, so too we on the spiritual path  need to practice. Still our minds, pray everyday, and pray without ceasing - for example thank God for the beauty you see as you walk or drive around. Disengage from the upsetting news, politics, cultural fights, etc. on a regular basis, so that we are not consumed and enraged by outer things constantly,  things that serve as a distraction from our spiritual goal.

Some people recommend, what has for some reason come to be called the Jesus prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”  I prefer to affirm rather than reinforce the negative. So, another prayer came to me this morning:

            God of all

I open to you

Fill me with Your Grace

Guide me in all ways 

Say this slowly, calmly, repeating it for a few minutes several times a day. Let Peace fill you. Let your mind be still. Let it come to mind during the day. Let yourself become more and more in tune with the Infinite, even as you walk your busy life.