Ahha the Rabbit Hole

I was deceived, so to speak, by my left brain. I ignored my right brain. I focused on the bits and not the whole, on the logic and not the feelings.

That is part of the picture that is emerging as I climb back up out of the rabbit hole or holes. Days of disorientation are not my normal place.  I have felt like Alice down the rabbit hole briefly a few times, when earth shattering events occurred, but I quickly got my bearings. In this Gilbert shaped hole, there are holes within holes, drop, then drop some more. I scarcely catch my breath, and another drop hits. I think there can't be more, but then there is more. I pray I've reached the bottom now, and get my bearings and guidance as to how to proceed.

I feel almost like he is being erased from my mind. He is fading. I am being set free.  Now I turn to The Presence of All for guidance. What am I being called towards? 

Help me recognize Your calling to me. Help me brush aside distractions and stay focused upon You. Show me my remaining purpose for coming to earth, so that I can fulfill it and one day return at peace. 

Consider Paul

 I am grateful to N. T. Wright and his book on Paul. He has given me many ideas to ponder.

As usual, my thoughts then lead to other thoughts, maybe to places triggered in my own mind, but not explicitly in the book (or lecture or article).  So one strain of my thoughts went something like this: 

What would the world be like without Paul, if he hadn't gotten on fire with his message and instead just stayed  at home? Would the Jesus message have spread far and wide without Paul? If spread, would it have been a different message without Paul? Would we even know about Jesus without Paul?  

 We of course can never actually know the answers to these questions, but we can see how Paul's understanding and robust, confrontational teaching style stood out in contrast to the time. And, if the status quo had not been interrupted by this fiery orator and deep thinker, we can guess it would have been the same old same old for much longer.

Into the pagan culture, the culture of extreme hierarchy, of promiscuity, of infanticide, of brutality against all who dared to challenge how it was, of low literacy, etc- came a new way championed by Paul.

His passion fired his message that the new Temple was Jesus, a new day had begun, and it was time to start living into the Kingdom of God on earth. The idea of the family of the Messiah people extended what family had meant. His exclamation of no Jew or Gentile, free or slave, male or female brought new hope. Caring for the poor and sick, even strangers, was a new idea, including them as children of God. Teaching  reading to everyone interested so they could read the Torah (including women, children and slaves) spread literacy. His emphasis on loyality and faithfulness taught honesty and fidelity. Retelling the story of Abraham and on to Jesus, grafted people onto the story of an ancient people. His ideas precipitated things like hospitals, orphanages, codexes leading to books, and so much more.

So eliminate all that Paul taught and started. The hordes still would invade and smash Rome. Now their ways would take over. Civilization would move backward for some length of time. It is likely that some humans would be curious and discover this and that, and a new civilization of some sort would emerge. But it most certainly would be different.

Maybe Paul and his 7 authentic letters are at the top of the list of importance to humanity.

Hell?

 N.T. Wright said that Paradise is the holding place before the new creation. Heaven and hell are from Plato, and elaborated on by medievcal Christians.

We are made in the image of God, and our job is to be image bearers. We are to be mirrors of God to the world, and of praise to God. If we refuse to be image bearers, we may have an end after several chances. There are words of destruction elimination, perishing.

The New Testament speaks of heaven and earth, of heaven coming to earth at some point. Heaven and hell are not equal and opposite.

Bart Erhman said that in the Old Testament, the point of view is God gifted us with life, and then after this life we cease to exist. God  breathed life into us, and when we stop breathing, we cease to exist. Later, there was some discussion of shoel, a shadowy place where one just exists. They didn't have the concept of a soul separate from tbe body, as that was an idea of the Greeks. about 200 years before Jesus. 

Jesus seemed to believe that the Kingdom of  God was soon to arrive on earth, at least in the earliest writings. He focused on prayers to God, good and pure behavior, and preparing ourselves for the influx of The Kingdom of God, in other words, to live here and now as a Kingdom person.

In fact, I think that is timeless advice. Otherwise  we create hell here on earth for ourselves.

It is Resurrection Celebration Weekend

A brief thought came to me this morning.

If you say you don't believe in resurrection, you rule out so much.

It means you don't believe in

• Springtime
• Butterflies
• Frogs
• Seeds
• Redemption
• Any kind of transformation
• The example of Christ Jesus.

As you know, I await some sort of resurrection in my life, as I walk out of this current agony. And I know it will come. I do not know its contours or details at this very  moment, but I know and see examples of resurrection all around me. I know a bit about how God works. With this as my shield, I walk on in faith.

Walk with me this Easter weekend and on into the yet uncreated future.

Working Through Betrayal

 A quote from Paul helped me this morning:

We are under all kinds of pressure, but we are not crushed completely; we are at a loss, but not at our wits’ end; we are persecuted, but not abandoned; we are cast down, but not destroyed.

As the story of the betrayal by my husband unfolds, the extent of it and the breadth of it are breathtaking. The subterfuge he assembled is stunning, the workings of an evil mind, a man without a conscience.

So he took everything. Now what?

As the numbness cracks, new emotions for me drip out. I have to go through this. I refuse to be crushed for the rest of my life. I have to rise from the rubble.

He took things, some irreplaceable. What is left? My faith. My God. My family, My friends. My church. My talents. And more. I still have the most important things. 

Now I dismiss him, his devious and cruel behavior hidden behind a veil of pretend love. I brush him off of my life. I encourage the hurt to heal. It will take a bit of time. I don't expect instantaneous healing. 

But when I began to find the trail of his deceit, my grief for him was gone, instantly gone. It shifted to what he took, not only my money, but the treasures I had collected from my travels, photos from my life, a lifetime of journals, manuscripts of partially finished books, paintings I did, antiques from my family, so many things that had meaning to me. Gone.

I don't do bitter. I don't intend to dwell on the past. As I heard clearly last Wednesday, "The past is done." Yet I do have to walk through the valley of pain and betrayal, not sit down and stay a minute longer than necessary, but to get on with it.

Then I know God will guide me to what I am to do with the rest of my life.

You, my spiritual friends, if you too have a valley, gather up your faith and courage and walk on through and out. There is more on the other side of the valley, I am certain of that.

Divine Presence, my Guide, my Companion, I have known You all of my life. I know You are with me, with us all. I know Your Light is within. I know we are one.

Lead me out of this valley with grace and faith. Help me keep the eye of my life on You. 

I know there is more to do. Open the door I am to walk through, so that I may serve as You would have me serve.

I release Gilbert to You, and let go. Cut all ties to him, and protect me from any further harm.

I am thankful to be in Your care and keeping all the days of my life.  I am thankful You are leading me still.

I release this all to You, in the name of Christ, sealed with the ancient seal of faith, Amen, Amen, and Amen.

Living the Bible Stories

 Through the past week I have walked with tears and prayers, facing death, betrayal and a web of lies. There have been moments of Spirit speaking to me, and therefore amazing insights have been gifted to me.

I am led to share a sketch of all of this at this time.

As Pastor Drew spoke of Easter week yesterday, when he said "Judas," tears started flowing down my face. A light of understanding swept me. I had married Judas, the trusted treasurer, the betrayer. 

One day last week, upon awakening, I heard the words "The past is done." That day I discovered all of my treasures were gone, auctioned off for nonpayment of storage in 2022. My grief shifted at once. Then a whole thread of deceit and lies and betrayal began to unravel.

I have often said over the past years I have been living the book of Job. So I knew I was living that story. I have endeavored to follow Jesus and his teachings since early childhood, to become as like him as humanly possible, and so live the Christ story..

Then I realized the meassage "The past is done," also contained the message to Lot and family, "Don't look back."

So there was Judas with betrayal, leading to agony on the cross, leading to resurrection. I'm in the process of agony, moving toward resurrection of some sort. The agony includes disorientation. The man I loved never existed, and who did exist was a villain who I did not meet until after his death..

I look forward to finding what this will lead to. I pray I can still be useful to those on the spiritual path and to those considering it, and those who run from it. 

God is lifting me right now. May God lift you this day and all days.

Gilbert's Memorial Service

 His service has been postponed due to extenuating circumstances.